Wont

Lying in a makeshift bed in our living room, a hundreds and millions of thoughts running through the inner workings of my head, which in a way gave me some sort of depression that I just can't close my eyes and pretend that everything is alright.

My brain is swamped, swimming in a ocean of random thoughts, random scenarios, things that could've happened, things I hope would've happened and things that I wish I could turn back to. And now as I start thinking about all of those things, I come up with one coherent thought.

Regret.

All those dimwit thoughts are bound to this word. I know things have been not going pretty well in my life lately. I've been having a lot of realizations to the things I wish I supposed to do. Remembering something that would make me say "I'm so pathetic, how come I did those doofus things?"

As far as I know we're supposed to live life with no regrets, right? But how come, I have a millions and billions of regrets in it from the most inane things to the profound one. Seriously, I really hardly try not to regret in every single detail of my twisted life. But I guess the good thing is I do learn in every single painful detail of it.

I regret a lot of inane things from why I woke up late in the morning? Why I can't try to eat vegies? Why I always come to school late? Why did I not review last night? Blah! Blah! Blah! While to the more profound regrets like why I always failed whenever I try not to? Why have I always been an academic under-achiever? Why I let things fall into pieces without trying not to? Why I didn't have enough courage to do the things which I think will surely be benefited? Why I didn't learn to play a single lyric in a piano sheet? Why I didn't enjoy the freedom of all those things behind my laidback? and the list goes in history.

I wish I could have time machine to change and correct the things I really wanted to. But what more pains me to say is time machine is just a creation of a clever imagination of people who really want to go back in the past, and I'm one of those pathetic people. But if I could have genie in a bottle and bound to have three consecutive wishes my first wish is to rewind and scan the past and make me choose what one thing will I have to change. Why only one thing? Because If I did choose to change all things in my life it would totally change who really am I. And from that I will never remember you and the things we've been together. It would be a misery, right?

Within the hundreds and millions of thoughts running through the inner workings of my head, approximately 999, 999 thoughts are probably things I regret. But all I'm trying to say here is, it would've been nice to change at least one thing in your life.