Solitude

I’ve only ever known loneliness and solitude. Even amongst a crowd of my closest friends I feel alone. I am a drifter, I am as the wind takes me. I’ve never really liked being in the same place for too long. My independence and my solitude are all that I have, all that I need and all that I rely on. In the end I find comfort in knowing I am strong enough not to need anyone other than myself.

It wasn’t always like this, I wasn’t always alone. But losing people dear to you, watching those you love suffer and having to deal with loss I have learned that it is better to live a life of solitude than to have to lose person after person you care about.

The only time over the last few years I haven’t felt alone is when I was with her. For a while she was all I cared for, all I desired, all that I needed. She taught me that it was okay to love, to not be alone. Her love gave me great strength when I could not find it within myself, she made me realize that I could have happiness again. She made promises that I would never be alone again, yet she too is now gone. In the wake of it all I realize that too was a pointless endeavor. So now my loneliness is my greatest company.

It’s important to learn and understand that nothing lasts forever, everything eventually falls at the feet of time. The love you spend time and effort building will too collapse around you one day. Sometimes I feel myself becoming tied to others I care for, and I am filled with the fear of losing them. So I take a moment to step back, for I know that my solitude is the only company that I do not have to fear losing.